This week we meet Swiss Ben, a sleazy leather jacket wearer and fantasy suite enthusiast:
“I’m really excited to spend uninterrupted time with these women.”
What up, ladies?
In case you aren’t completely sure who’s going home tonight, Ben introduces her as a “dark horse.” Nicky and Ben go for picnic #1 atop a mountain, inspiring Ben to get poetic:
“My relationship with Nicki is getting to new heights, but at the same time, its grounded.”
Nicky elaborates, “which can be compared to” Keats:
“Standing on top of this mountain with Ben, the view goes on forever, which can be compared to our future together. Yet, theres always the cliff there that you can fall off, which can be compared to our relationship possibly ending abruptly and soon.”
After the picnic on mountain they head out for dinner in a romantic chalet where Nicky senses Ben’s hesitation and eases into things:
“If I’m ever, like, too much too soon, like, tell me…how many kids do you want?”
Luckily, Nicky knows enough about Ben to accept the key to the fantasy suite. In case you had any doubt about what that means, we get a tour of the candlelit bedroom, rug in front of the fire and glowing bathtub. Ew.
Horse meets Ben for another heights related date where they repel off a cliff. She is freezing and says so. Not to worry, Ben is nice and cozy in the jacket he doesn’t offer her.
Watching the two of them repel off the cliff is like watching the Skydome close – exciting on paper but so slow you forget it ever happened in the first place.
If I was as poetic as Nicky I would say that their speed on the way down “can be compared to” the pacing of this 2 hour show. Horse’n’Ben head out for dinner where Ben gets dressed up to make his second gross proposition.
Horse gives the standard preamble about making an exception as she would never spend the night with a man under normal circumstances, blah blah blah. The presence of a camera crew and millions of viewers must have been the deciding factor in taking a chance.
Ben, meanwhile, is excited that she’s “the most vulnerable he’s ever seen her”:
Picnic #2 is on a farm with some cute cows. Ben is determined to show her what a fun guy he is.
Ben: You ever play ‘hey cow’?
Courtney: No, how do you play?
Ben: You just scream at the top of your lungs, ‘hey cow.’
Courtney apologizes to Ben for all of the friction in the house and he’s flustered.
“Regardless of the situation, its pretty messed up. I don’t even want to talk about it. We’ll talk about it later.”
For the first time, I’m feeling a little nervous about all my money being on Courtney. If Ben gets the milk for free, will he buy the cow? Who knew Bachelor dates are so rich with subtext?
Ben is an absolute mess around Courtney and I am back on the Courtney train, all in. His indecent proposal #3 is a little shakier than #1-2.
This is kind of a big step, a big step. And I know how I feel about it…sooooo lemme know if you want to read it and let me know how you feel.
Essentially, a “check yes if you like me” note. Lucky for Ben, Courtney agrees to “take our relationship to the next level and have uninterrupted everything” in the suite with a bear skin rug. Ugh.
BACHELORETTE TAKE OVER
I don’t need to be sold on Titanic 3D so I skipped this 20 minute commercial. See you in April, Leo!
Ever since Jake came back to save Jillian, no season is complete without a someone coming back to “warn” about someone who’s “not here for the right reasons.” Kacie B took a more humiliating approach, basically asking to Ben to dump her twice. In her defence, she took our goodbye letter to heart.
Ben is obviously stoked to see her, and this ends as well as you would expect.
They blame her parents, Ben gets defensive about Courtney, and Kacie B has her second televised meltdown in 2 weeks.
We knew. Ben says he enjoyed every moment with you – he’s lying. You only made it this far because you’re a brunette and Kacie B’s parents wouldn’t let her marry a stranger.
Hila and Jas
We will give out our yearbook awards for the season when the girls reunite for “After the Final Rose”. I predict Emily not shutting up and lots of Courtney bashing.